there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't turn off my feet"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
