I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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