it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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