Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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