Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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