i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
