when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
