Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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