Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
