i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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