K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
