Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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