so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
