shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
