I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
