There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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