Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
