Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
