and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
