I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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