There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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