thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
