So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
