we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
