I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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