He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
