9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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