my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
