Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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