I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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