i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm at about main and main street
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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