Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just cropdusted the office
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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