Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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