just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
