just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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