it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
are you so shy because you have an std?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
