Can i not drive my cunt home
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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