just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
