sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
