i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
