Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
