This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
