Plan B is the new Plan A
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
