I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
