Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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