Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
