I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
