He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And then he peed in my hair
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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