i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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