And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
