Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
