My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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