she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
