Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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