I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
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the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
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It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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