I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
