my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
