Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
