I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize