It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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