it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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