Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
