apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
