Are we in a gay sports bar?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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