that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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