yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
