I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
