On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
