oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Four minutes until I can fart!
this just has baby written all over it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Randomize
