this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
