i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Your penis caused this!
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