No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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